Now my throat hurts

Today was going well until i came home and had a fight with my mom (bitch) and so i went and ate. But i decided to not let her control my weight, MY MOTHER will not be the reason im fat so i threw up. hah. The only bad thing is now my throat burns. Its no bueno.

5 months later....

So heres the breakdown.. over the last 5 months I've gained 10 pounds. The saddest part is that i didn't even notice it until 2 weeks ago. I've thrown up a lot more than i would like to admit. But i guess the whole point of this blog is to get it all out of my system so i don't accidentally blurt something out infront of my friends. They have no idea anything is going on. I'm keeping it that way because they just don't understand. My best friend made me promise her i would never throw up ever, but i blew that about a week later. Its really difficult for me to be the fattest of all my friends, because when they complain about their bodies it makes me feel all the worst about me. I finally see what everybody else sees, the fatness that i am.

Today. Since its the weekend, I didn't work out but i didn't over eat either except i had a not-so-great dinner of hotdogs.... but just 2!! In total I injested 1489 calories, which is a freaking lot. Minus bodily processes.. Thats a net total of -594 calories. Which i guess is negative but not negative enough. I'm going to mexico for winter vacay and I HAVE to be hot, or else i won't know what to do with myself.

yay super excited!!

So today was a good day!! I didn't necessarily over eat anything. Which is a step forward AND I went to the gym and went running! i felt oh so accomplished and proactive. I ate a total of 1339.2 calories today. For a net of -867.1 total. If you add up all my net caloric losses for the past 3 days.. it adds up to -3629 burned this week!! that's 129 calories more than a pound. I'VE LOST A POUND IN FOUR DAYS!!! I can't wait to continue this and keep getting skinnier and skinnier and skinnier!! eventually I'm gonna be the hottest girl at the pool this summer! bwahahaha

A Few Minor Mistakes

Hello all. Not much to report today. I did decently. I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my OROVO. Today I injested 1412.1 calories but since i had a golf lesson, which went wonderfully by the way, i burned 140 extra calories. That comes to a net of -810.9 calories total. WHich is much better than yesterday which had just been disappointing. I noticed that when i consumed almost half of my calories today was sitting on my ass watching tv. So I figued, even if i just cut out TV and did homework or came upstairs and got on my computer, it would be more beneficial than sitting in my "grazing chair" and getting fat. My mom calls it my grazing chair, in case you were wondering who said that originally. Because nothing is more annoying than when people used quotes or worse, air quotes, but they aren't even quoting anything!!! Anyways I'm proud of myself for keeping with the negative total calories for the past three days, thats good!! there's no way to gain weight when you have a negative net. If I had just not eaten a few extraneous meals, I could reach my goal so much faster. And I feel like by typing all this stuff out it makes me consciously think of these things and it makes them that much easier to fix.

Later.

I slipped up today..

I forgot to take my SlimQuick in the afternoon so I have to admit I ate more than I should have. :( This makes me depressed than anything else because it makes me feel like I'm incompetent and that I'll never be able to stick to anything. I wish I had more will power. I was so deliriously tired and hungry today at school that one of my best friends actually thought I was drunk! Which I obviously was not. Alcohol has excess calories that i just DO NOT need. Quitting drinking was one of the best decisions I've ever made concerning my weight. All I have to do is drink water and energy drinks(which i realize have calories in them but they speed up your metabolism so it doesn't really count) on my weekends and there's no puffy feeling the next morning. This Friday night I'm going to a sleepover at my leader for my small group at LifeTeen. It should be good because it'll keep me out of trouble. And it'll just be good clean fun that I could really use. Because in the past I've not always been the best example of a catholic. Tonight I went to Bible Study and instead of the 4 pieces of pizza i normally eat and then proceed to throw up, I ate just one and kept it in my system!! I'm really proud of myself. For some people it's no big deal but to me, it's a great accomplishment!

I really did eat to much today tho. I ate a total of 1702.8 calories. -50(walking) -2083(internal processes) = -430.2 calories.

Later.

It All Begins Now

Today I started a new diet, but I'll probably be on a different one in a few days. The weight-loss industry is HUGE in America. But how much is hoop-la and how much is actual, honest to god, healthy health?? I've had every eating disorder, ever. Many people say that's sad and how I must be suffering from depression and low self esteem and blah blah blah. In reality I just really want to lose weight but I'm too lazy and gluttonous to stick to any healthy eating plan that has been recommended for my oh so young age of 16. Yep, I'm this young and already I've been obsessing over my weight for a couple years now. Thing is, I'm not unusual. LOOK AROUND, most young girls aren't happy with themselves and are suffering from some sort of eating disorder. Many are too delusional to realize they have a problem. I used to be in denial also. Then a few weeks ago my best friend simply stated "You're bulimic." She didn't say it accusingly or in a judging way, but those two words that I'd never been able to say to myself were all it took. Haven't thrown up since then. I'm not fat by any standards, but I'm not skinny either. I long to be super thin. It's all i think about. I'm 5'8" and weigh 145 lbs, 10 pounds above what i think the avg for my age and height is.

Enough background info. The other day I was at Walgreens and I bought a product called SlimQuick. Today was the first day I took it. Tonight I did some research and found that although this product claims to fight 6 causes of weight gain, its mainly a diuretic. For those who don't know, a diuretic is a herb that flushes excess water from the body which produces "rapid weight loss". But since this is actually just water it's not technically counted as weight loss. While researching, I found a different product that is way safer, more powerful, and faster. Its called Orovo Detox. I ordered a bottle and I should get it within the next few days. In the mean time, I will continue to take SlimQuick, because its better than nothing. And it does contain Hoodia (African cactus extract that fools your brain into thinking you're full).

So even though it has faults it did curb my appetite and allow to only ingest 887 calories today. Did you know that 10% of the calories from food you eat is used to digest and process it? 887-88.7=798.3 caloric intake. The number of calories used up in bodily systems for a person of my age and stature daily is -2,083. That comes out to be a net of -1494.7 calories for day one of my diet. Since 3,500 calories is equal to one pound, it will take 2.34 days for me to lose one pound! Very exciting.

Later.